Are you looking for a perfect pastor?

OK, here he is....
The Perfect Pastor

Preaches exactly 20 minutes and follows it with an invitation in which everyone is convicted but no one is offended.

Works from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. and serves as church counselor as well as janitor.

37 years old with 40 years of preaching experience.

He is paid $400 a week, and gives $100 back to the church.

Tall and short, thin and heavy set.

Hair is parted in the middle and is straight on one side and wavy on the other side, with a balding spot on top revealing his maturity. And grey all over.

Has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all his time with seniors.

He smiles constantly with a straight and sober face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously at his work.

Spends 40 hours a week in sermon preparation, 20 hours in counseling, 10 hours in meetings, five hours in emergencies, 20 hours in visitation and 15 hours in evangelism, 6 hours in weddings and funerals, 30 hours in prayer and meditation, 12 hours in letter writing, and administration, and 10 hours in creative thinking.

Spends 5 evenings at home with his family, plus a day off, and always stops for interruptions.

Makes 15 visits a day to shut-ins and is always available in his office.

Spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched.

A seminary graduate, but uses only one- and two-syllable words.

His kids are perfect, his mother is rich, and his wife plays the piano.

His house is large, his bank account is small, and his car is in the shop.

He is paid too much but gives it all to the poor and wears nice clothes.

He is talented, gifted, scholarly, practical, popular, compassionate, understanding, patient, level headed, dependable, loving, caring, neat, organized, cheerful, and above all, humble.

If your pastor does not measure up to these criteria, send this list to six other churches that are also dissatisfied with their pastor. Then, bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list. In one week you will receive 1,643 pastors. Surely one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in three months.